Voivode: Welcome to the dazzle and Crow Save the world’s podcast. My name’s Voivode Kohoutek and I will be the GM today, uh, one of our players is Crow…
Voivode: …and our other player is Dazzle.
Dazzle: I’m here now,
Voivode: All right, so we’re going to be playing a little bit of No Thank You Evil! today, which is a really great game made by Monte Cook games that we’ve had a lot of fun with, and we just thought we would like to do a little recording and show you how it goes. Um, Dazzle. Why don’t you start out and tell us about your character?
Dazzle: My character is Elise the princess who does magic. My companion is a little brother named Elliot.
Voivode: All right. And what does Elise look like?
Dazzle: Elise is a princess who doesn’t really wear princess clothes. Instead, it wears of an adventurer clothes because princess clot hes make it so she can’t run around.
Voivode: So what’s adventure clothes?
Dazzle: More like a few usually wears a pink shirt and black patch.
Voivode: Black pants. Anything else? She’s got the backpack, right?
Voivode: Yup. And her little brother, what’s he like?
Dazzle: He’s a short blonde.
Voivode: Short. Blondie, huh?
Dazzle: Often wears orange clothes.
Voivode: Likes to wear orange. All right, Crow. Tell us about your character.
Crow: My character is Simone, who is a super sneaky wizard. Who, um, who can’t who likes to fly around in the sky and her companion is, uh, and, um, Invisible the Small who is an invisible companion.
Voivode: Her companion’s name is Invisible the Small, yeah? So, what does, uh, Simone look like? What does she wear?
Crow: She wears, uh, wizard hat. Classic!
Voivode: Classic! What does a classic wizard hat look like?
Crow: A regular pointed hat
Voivode: Regular pointed hat. What color?
Crow: Purple and black.
Voivode: Purple and black.
Voivode: And, ah, what does she wear on her body?
Crow: She wears a short dress that is..is purple and black, also mostly black. But the belt is purple and she is wears. Um, reds. I mean, um, silver slippers…
Crow: …and has brown hair.
Voivode: Brown hair. Nice. What does invisible the small look like?
Crow: Uhhh…it’s an invisible pony.
Voivode: An invisible pony. So what does it look like?
Crow: Regular pony
Voivode: Looks like a regular pony
Crow: Except that it’s a purple invisible point.
Voivode: It’s a purple invisible pony?
Crow: Yes, it’s mane is black.
Voivode: It’s a black maned, purple invisible pony,
Crow: And it also has a black tail.
Voivode: Wow. Is it invisible all the time, or only sometimes?
Crow: When anyone else is looking, it’s invisible. But when only Simone is looking, it’s not invisible
Voivode: That’s very special!
Voivode: All right. So the way the game always starts out is that you guys are in your home or wherever you like to spend time somewhere where there’s a bookshelf, and a bed, and closet and all the different ways you can get to the land of Storia. So where is Simone right now?
Crow: She is at her house, which has a lot of spell books, at least 10 different types of wands, a lot of hats, Um, a bed. Yeah, because you need a bed. And it also has, um, all of the stuff you need to get to Storia.
Voivode: All right. So what’s she doing right now?
Crow: Right now, she’s reading all her spell books and practicing all the spells.
Voivode: Okay, doing lots of magic. And what is Elise doing right now?
Dazzle: In her pink bedroom with the underground library, she is hanging out in her underground library, reading probably…by the looks of it, probably a dictionary.
Voivode: You think she’s reading a dictionary right now?
Voivode: Yeah, she just likes words. Cool. So Elise is reading the dictionary when a tiny rocket flies in. Well, it flies out from under the bed, and it flies around and around the room whistling really loudly. And then it goes (BOOM) like a firecracker. And the fireworks spell out the words ”NEED YOUR HELP”, and then under that, “FRAU DENSCHEUDE”.
Dazzle: That’s a problem, because she is not in her room. She’s underground within her library. And she can’t… well, she can hear that, but she thinks she’s under attack. She stays down there.
Voivode: Okay, so she doesn’t go upstairs and check it out.
Voivode: Nope? All right, So where was Simone reading again?
Crow: In her room.
Voivode: In her room. Okay, well, the rocket flies out from under her bed, flies around the room whistling, and [KABOOM]
Crow: She notices and reads the thing.
Voivode: All right. And what does she think?
Crow: Needs help Frau Denscheude? But isn’t Frau Denscheude our enemy?
Voivode: Hmmm. Frau Denscheude always has been your enemy.
Crow: But if she needs help, maybe I should tell Elise she might know about this.
Voivode: All right, so how do you get to Elise
Voivode: You fly when you give me a big shrug Like I should know that it’s [Laughs]
Voivode: It’s part of the narrative. Honey, you gotta you gotta narrate for everybody because they don’t know you fly. I know you fly. All right, so you hop on your broomstick. Is that how you fly
Voivode: And you fly out your window?
Crow: No, I’m outside when I go on to my broomstick.
Voivode: Okay. You keep the broomstick outside?
Crow: Uh, no. I keep it in my room at all times in case.
Voivode: Okay. And then what do you do?
Crow: I kick my legs so the broom stick goes into the air, and…
Voivode: And then what?
Crow: And then I’m flying,
Voivode: All right. And you fly over to Elise’s house?
Crow: Yes, and ring the doorbell
Voivode: [Bing bong]
Dazzle: Elliot comes out. He is in his pajamas which is a bear suit. And now he is…
Voivode: Wait, Sorry. Who are we talking about?
Dazzle: My little brother, Elliot.
Voivode: Elliot. Okay.
Dazzle: He’s attacking. He’s in his bear suit pretending to be a bear, and he is pretending to be a bear. He’s running towards Cora.
Voivode: All right, there is. Uh Well, give me a smarts. Check to see if, um, Simone can tell the difference. between Elliot and a bear.
Crow: Um, do I roll the dice?
Voivode: Yeah, hold on just a second. Alright, Crow. So here’s what I think. I think that Elliot’s not super convincing as a bear, som ah, you have to roll better than two.
Crow: Both dice?
Voivode: Just one. [DICE ROLL] Oh, nice. You know that Elliot is not a bear, but in fact, Elliot. So what do you do?
Crow: I sigh and say, Elliot, I’m trying to get to your sister.
Voivode: Why do you want my sister?
Crow: Because we need to talk.
Voivode: Why? I’m a bear, grrrrrrrrr?
Crow: Um, because I got a note.
Voivode: I don’t care about your stupid note, I’m a bear. [ROARS]
Voivode: And then he flips a couch over
Dazzle: [Whispering] I don’t think he’s strong enough…
Voivode: I think Elliot strong enough to flip a couch. And that’s what he does. And then he goes, [ROAR], and he jumps up on the couch,
Crow: Um, oh, I suppose I’ll have to tell your mom.
Voivode: NOOOOOO! You’re gonna tell my mom? She’s a bear too!
Voivode: So I think you wanna try and intimidate Elliot. You want to scare him into doing what you want? Do you think that would be acting tough?
Dazzle: Scaring him with a spell.
Voivode: Oh, you want to scare him with magic, so I guess that would be Smart. So what are you gonna do!
Crow: I’m gonna pretend like I’m doing a spell.
Voivode: What will the spell do, though?
Crow: I’m pretending…
Voivode: Oh, you’re just pretending. You’re gonna make him think you’re going to do a bad spell on him.
Voivode: So then what would you say to him?
Crow: Well, I suppose I’ll have to do a spell.
Voivode: All right, so you start waggling your wand around and saying magic words. Roll the dice. I think you’re gonna have to beat a two again too.
Voivode: Oh, good enough. So you roll the two I’m gonna say meets it, beats it. And yeah, you waggle your one around, he’s like, “Okay, fine. I’m gonna go get my sister”. Thump, thump, thump, thump thump runs downstairs to get Elise. And he says, “Elise your dumb friend’s here I don’t like her. She tried to do magic on me!” and then he runs back upstairs in his bear costume: thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, and then he runs all the way up to his bedroom: thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. So what do you do?
Dazzle: I poke my head out to make sure we are not under attack. And then I…
Voivode: you don’t see any evidence of an attack.
Dazzle: I crawl all out into the living room.
Voivode: So, like, commando crawl, like, down on your stomach, or like on all fours. What sort of crawling are we talking about?
Dazzle: All on fours until the door, I then get up.
Voivode: To the door and then you’re walking.
Voivode: Okay. So, um, I guess from Simone’s point of view, she sees Elise come up out of the stairs and then stand up. And then what does she say? Or who says what first, I guess?
Crow: I say, I say, Elise, uh, we got a note from Frau Denscheude. It was an explosive note.
Dazzle: Frau Denscheude? Isn’t she evil?
Crow: But she needed help until I’m. That’s why I came to ask if you knew anything about it.
Dazzle: How did that note come to you?
Crow: It went flying into my window chirping alot and then exploded and said words.
Dazzle: Oh wow, so that wasn’t an explosion. Okay, I really thought we were under attack.
Dazzle: Wait, where we supposed to go?
Crow: I believe it’s Under the Bed…
Crow: …because it came flying out from under my bed.
Dazzle: Come on to my bedroom.
Voivode: All right, So you guys head upstairs to where your bedroom is?
Voivode: Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, and you’re upstairs and in your bedroom. What does your bedroom look like?
Dazzle: It’s really pink.
Voivode: Really, Really pink?
Dazzle: Yes, like mostly everything is pink.
Voivode: What’s what sort of pink things are in it.
Dazzle: My bed is pink, the walls are pink, the floor is pink.
Voivode: Wow. Are there any pink bookshelves?
Dazzle: There’s one, and that’s the one that leads to the underground bunker of books.
Voivode: Ah I see. So wait, you came up out of the basement. But then there’s an underground bunker of books.
Dazzle: Yeah, it’s where, it’s behind it’s behind into different bookshelf there, and I built it a while ago behind a bookshelf, a couple bookshelves my mom put in a corner.
Voivode: Nice. So your beds pink? It has a pink, uhhh, comforter on it and a pink bed skirt, right?
Voivode: And if you look under it, what’s under it?
Dazzle: There’s a portal
Voivode: A portal?
Voivode: Where does that portal go?
Dazzle: Under the Bed.
Voivode: To Storia?
Voivode: You’ve been there before, huh?
Voivode: Yeah, not your first time at this rodeo.
Voivode: All right, so what does the portal look like, do you think?
Dazzle: It’s purple and it’s black, and just because there’s so much pink in my room, a bit of, like, the bottom of the mattress got sucked in which is also pink so there a bit of pink…
Voivode: So it’s like sucking in the bottom of your bed?
Voivode: Oh, my! All right, so who goes first?
Dazzle: It doesn’t do very much damage.
Crow: I feel like Elise should go first…
Dazzle: It’s my bedroom!
Voivode: Yeah, it’s your bedroom. You go in first. How do you How do you go? Do you, like, dive under or do you, like, crawl or?
Dazzle: I do different stuff every time. This time I just I did to go headfirst.
Voivode: Head first?
Dazzle: I’m not sure that it was a good idea about who cares?
Crow: I decided since I brought my broomstick and flied inside I broomstick down.
Voivode: You broomstick through? You fly under the bed with a broomstick?
Crow: [Laughing] Yes!
Voivode: The bed must be pretty tall.
Dazzle: While we’re doing that I yell. “No, broomstick this way, under the um, in the portal!”
Voivode: I think she does it anyways, right? It’s all [SCHOOOMP]
Crow: Yeah, and you never told me before I was on my broomstick.
Voivode: All right, so you guys have arrived in Under the Bed, which is sort of a spooky quadrant of Storia. What?
Dazzle: Did my brother come here?
Voivode: Yeah. He always comes with you. He’s wearing his bear costume. And, uh the second you guys went through, he dove through behind you and he’s like, “RAWR! I’m a bear!”
Dazzle: Elliot! Under the bed is not safe.
Voivode: I don’t go where I want, I do what I want. I’m a bear!
Crow: I feel like I’m completely camouflaged except for my slippers because I’m wearing completely purple and black.
Voivode: You’re very similar colors to the portal. It’s true.
Crow: I let Eliot, come with us.
Crow: Oh, my pony is also in the portal.
Dazzle: And Elliot, don’t get yourself in any trouble!
Voivode: Yes, so that camera, like, follows you guys through the portal, and then we cut back to the room. And there is, um you can’t see it because it’s Invisible the Small, the pony. But like, something is like bumping at the bed and then like bumping the bed up. And then something is like pushing all the toys and junk…
Dazzle: Oh no!
Voivode: …under the bed out of the way.
Voivode: And then you hear the [SCHOOMP] As it gets sucked into the portal, and there’s a [FOOMP] as we cut back to your guy’s a side of the portal.
Dazzle: What did you do!
Voivode: And your hear a [NEIGH].
Dazzle: No! What did you do!
Crow: I let invisible the small come.
Dazzle: You’ve ruined my bedroom.
Crow: Um, sorry.
Crow: Could you please go away? I need to talk to Invisible the Small
Voivode: All right. So as I was saying, You guys are in…
Dazzle: Under the Bed.
Voivode: Under the Bed, right? And ah, under the bed is home to such spooky locales as the Bone Factory, the Dead Center, which is strangely mostly right in the center of under the bed, the Ghoul School, the Dark Park, Twin Peaks, and you can see those in the distance. They’re these pointy spires of rock with a spooky little faces on them.
Dazzle: Did it say where we were supposed to go?
Voivode: It didn’t. There’s also Cannibal gardens, um, and Boo Lagoon, which is a lake shaped like a ghost.
Crow: What about the skeleton keys?
Voivode: Okay, Yeah, those air off the coast of under the bed. So you guys probably won’t make it there, but we’ll see. Well, so you guys, I think the question that, uh, that Dazzle just asked for Elise about did we say, did it say where we’re supposed to go is immediately answered. As you hear the clop clop clop clop of heavy heeled boots and ah, woman um, you know, middle age blue skin, um, hair that is pulled back into a tight bun. She walks up and she’s got kind of ah, sour looking face kind of a frown and she’s wearing, ah, riding outfit with, you know, riding boots. And she’s holding a riding crop and wearing a red coat and she says, Ah, hello, Elise and Simone. Thank you for coming for my message.
Dazzle: What do you want us to help you with?
Voivode: I’ve run into a bit of trouble, and you’re always helping people with their problems. So, I thought you might come help me with mine.
Dazzle: What is your problem?
Voivode: I’ve lost my puppy, my Schadenhunde, and I when I don’t have my Schadenhunde I am so unhappy. And I need to find my Schadenhunde.
Dazzle: We’ll do our best to find him.
Voivode: You will?
Voivode: Oh, it would make me ever so happy if you would find mine little puppy, mine Schadenhunde.
Dazzle: We’ll try really, really hard.
Voivode: I know you will little girls. I know you will.
Dazzle: Do you have any idea where he might be?
Voivode: The last I saw him, he was playing in the Cannibal Gardens.
Crow: Maybe we should head to the Cannibal Gardens, then.
Voivode: I think that’s a very good place to start looking for my Liebchen, my little puppy.
Dazzle: All right, we decide together.
Voivode: All right, so you guys, your, uh, bed-exit is sort of the center of the map, and then you pass the Bone Factory, which is…I’ll guess\.. How are you getting there? Because you got a pony. You got a broom to travel on. A princess has nice traveling clothes, apparently, but no method of travel.
Crow: Um, I could have my invisible pony summon more ponies.
Dazzle: How far…
Voivode: Your invisible pony can summon more ponies?
Crow: Well, if you look at that…
Voivode: Oh, that’s your Cypher. Huh?
Dazzle: How far does it take a walk there?
Voivode: It’ll probably take you most of a day to walk there.
Voivode: It’s pretty long, but if you had ponies to ride, I suppose that’d be pretty good.
Voivode: So are you gonna summon more ponies for everyone?
Voivode: All right. What does that look like?
Crow: Except for for me because I already have a broomstick
Voivode: You already have a pony. Oh, you have a broomstick.
Dazzle: Oh, then could I just ride your pony?
Voivode: But then what will Elliot do?
Crow: Elliot will ride the other pony
Voivode: Okay, so you’re still gonna summon ponies.
Crow: I’m only gonna summon one pony.
Voivode: One pony. Okay.
Crow: Or Elise could ride on my broomstick with me. Elliot could take the pony.
Dazzle: I don’t feel like he’s responsible enough do that. Couldn’t you just drive with me…
Voivode: “I want to ride the broom stick!” he says in his bear costume “I’m a bear and bears ride broomsticks, AAAHHHH!”,
Dazzle: Couldn’t he ride with you?
Crow: Okay. I think he’s respons…I could get him. As long as I’m steering the broomstick, we won’t get into any trouble.
Voivode: Uh, I have to write on the broom stick with you.
Dazzle: You could ride on the pony was me instead.
Voivode: I’d rather right on a broomstick with her.
Dazzle: What if I told you the pony was also part bear?
Voivode: No, it’s a pony.
Crow: An invisible pony.
Voivode: It went [NEIGH]!
Dazzle: Yeah, didn’t you hear earlier when it went RAWR?
Voivode: And then Invisible the Small goes [Neigh]
Dazzle: Do you want to walk?
Voivode: No. I’ll ride on the broomstick.
Dazzle and Crow: Okay.
Voivode: All right, so you get on the pony Elise, and Simone hops on her broomstick and gestures for Elliot to get on.
Dazzle: I have expert riding, lessons.
Voivode: You have expert riding? Well, you’re a princess, so it seems likely that you might know how to ride a…
Voivode: ..pony. Although this is tricky because it’s an invisible pony. Right? So why don’t you
Crow: Don’t worry, it’s wearing an invisible saddle.
Voivode: Okay, but she still has to get onto it. So why don’t you give me a role to get on the saddle? I think you’re pretty good at getting on a pony, but it’s invisible. I’m going to say two or better.
Voivode: Nice! Yeah, you mount this pony like a pro and you’re on it and you give its reins a little pop and you take off and…
Crow: I do the regular kicking.
Voivode: You kick the broom and it goes,
Voivode: I’m going to roll for Elliot. I think there’s about even odds that Elliot doesn’t know to hold on very well.
Crow: And he might hop off.
Voivode: Oh, he, um his…So he’s sitting behind you on this broom, right? And you kick it to take off and it’s a surprise to him and you feel his hands like, grab at your robe, and he’s like, AAAAHHHHH! and the broom zips off, and I think that’s where we’re gonna end the story. For now, with the two of you riding off bravely along with Elliot on your pony and your horse and
Crow: No. Horse and broomstick.
Voivode: Oh, pony and your broomstick! You got me! On your pony and broomstick. Um, I think that the scene fades to black as you, like…this shot from the air of you guys zipping across the land towards this big tangle of, uh, jungly looking plants wyith like mouths and pitchers and, like sticky things for catching stuff like like all the different carnivorous plants look and we fade to black.
Voivode: Thank you for joining us for the Dazzle and Crow Save the Worlds podcast. The girls and I are just getting started, so we apologize for any sound quality or technical issues. Our theme music is Shanti by Rolemusic used under the creative Commons Attribution License. We hope you’ll join us for our next episode!